Jasper Smith

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UPS pretty much completely sucks

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Yes, I know a less trivial and self-absorbed post would be more appropriate to end a long blogging absence. But what prompts me to write at this moment is my total, complete and utterly hate-filled disdain for United Parcel Service.

Now, I’m pretty busy. And pretty lazy. And I suffer from “gotta have it now syndrome.” I guess you could say instant gratification is high on the list of Jasperesque personality attributes. And what this means is that I order a lot of shit online, for delivery. Often. Very often.

Anyway, I typically have UPS packages shipped to my office, to give them at least a fighting chance at arriving while I’m here, should a signature be necessary. But often I’m away from my office, and there’ll be no one else available to sign for me.

Wouldn’t it make sense for them to give you the option of simply having an email tell you when your delivery arrives at the nearest UPS office, in case you’d rather just go pick it up yourself? In other words, why not let customers save “Brown” the labor and extra fuel by allowing them to pick up deliveries directly from the local UPS office from the getgo and eschewing delivery if that’s what they prefer.

But no — instead you’ve got to play around with these dolgurn yellow and brown (side note, when my own small company makes the Fortune 500, please please shoot me if I’ve chosen the colors of shit and urine as the corporate hues) “info notices.” It’s fucking 2008, and and UPS is depending on paper notes to communicate. Nice.

Now, with my latest package incident, the aforementioned info notice got taped to my door during a particularly busy week. A productive week, mind you. A week during which a number of important professional tasks was accomplished. But nonetheless a week when picking up the phone to notify UPS that I’d like them to hold my delivery at their Watertown office was one call too many to get to in a timely fashion.

So, I just managed to call them now — at 11:15pm Thursday (the info notice was taped to my door Tuesday morning). I wasn’t really very concerned, because they’ll typically leave subsequent info notices for you, and the last of which will normally inform you of the date it will be shipped back to the sender, and I had yet to receive a second (or third or fourth) notice.

so get this — they tell me the delivery has already been sent back to the original sender. Nice.

UPS fucking blows dead lamas.

It would tickle me no end to wake up one morning to the news that UPS has been taken over by FedEx. Scratch that thought. I wouldn’t want to risk the horrible corporate culture of the former infecting the latter.

Written by Jasper

April 17, 2008 at 10:46 pm

Posted in Miscellania, Rants